As beautiful as this photo looks, this day was a bitter sweet day for my husband and me. Admittedly, for different reasons. I knew the wedding would be an imperfect and emotional day, but I didn’t think the whole ordeal would be as hurtful and disappointing as it was.
As soon as I stepped off the elevator and onto the floor of our honeymoon suite, I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. And, why would I? I knew it was safe to break down into my new husband’s arms. Without saying a word, he held me. It felt good to just be able to sob without explanation. He knew the road we had traveled to get to the “happiest day of our lives.”
For a long time we couldn’t look at our wedding photos.
And, for 2 years I couldn’t play some of my most favorite songs in the whole wide world….because they reminded me of that day.
Tonight, I found some CDs with the word wedding written on them. My stomach hurt. But instead of tossing them back into the unorganized pile I pulled them from, I prayed.
Lord, heal me.
I’ve asked him to help me move on before, but this time I did something different.
I put the CD in the CD player.
I went first.
8 Then Jesus said, “Stand up! Pick up your mat and walk.” 9 Immediately the man was well. He picked up his mat and started walking. (John 5:8-9)
When they stepped into the water, 16 immediately the water stopped flowing and piled up like a wall. (Joshua 3:15)
5 Simon answered, “Master, we worked hard all night trying to catch fish and caught nothing. But you say I should put the nets into the water, so I will.” 6 The fishermen put their nets into the water. Their nets were filled with so many fish that they began to break. 7 They called to their friends in the other boat to come and help them. The friends came, and both boats were filled so full of fish that they were almost sinking. (Luke 5:5-7)
God often asks us to go first. Even when it feels like we’re not ready…when it feels like nothing has changed….when it feels impossible he asks us to have faith that He is and He will.
Do we have the faith take the first step even when we can’t see the entire staircase?
Tonight, I felt prompted to put the CD in the CD player. Remember, just seeing the CD was painful for me. So, why on Earth would I play the songs? I hadn’t played those songs in TWO years. They were dead to me.
But, just minutes earlier I had asked God to heal me. And, I knew that prompting had come from God.
I inserted the CD into the CD player.
I heard songs I had forgotten about.
I heard songs that I loved.
My stomach didn’t hurt anymore.
In fact, upon pulling into my driveway, I lingered in the car just to finish one of my favorite songs.
I didn’t feel upset or bitter, sad or hurt.
I only felt love for my husband.
Just like that, huh?
Sometimes all it takes is asking, believing, and taking the first step.
Is there an area in your life where God is asking you to take the first step in faith?