Stay in your lane is an urban term for mind your own business.
Nosey people can be annoying and I get that. But, nosey isn’t the goal, community is.
I’ve been married for almost 2 years and I’ve never felt more alone. The older you get the more inappropriate sharing your business becomes. Who can you confide in without worrying about them losing respect for you and your husband or judging the marriage? And, let’s face it, none of your single friends get it.
One day, I decided to be vulnerable. My husband and I weren’t seeing eye to eye and I just wanted to chat with another woman without bad-mouthing my husband or shaming our marriage. So, I did. Thankfully, I got a lot of “OMG! The other day my husband did….” and “I don’t know how my husband puts up with my…” Not only did we get each other, we shared tips and strategies that worked for us, and we prayed with and for one another. When I left her house, my shoulders felt a million pounds lighter.
Whether it’s marriage….
desiring a husband…
starting a career…
balancing career and life…
growing your family…
taking your life to the next level…
We All Need Support!
Minding your own business can keep you and others stuck.
Here are 5 reasons we need to swerve over into the neighboring lane sometimes:
1. Noticing means you care.
If someone is looking annoyed or sad, I ask, “Is everything okay?” or “How’s it going?” It’s too common for us to just pass each other day after day without more than a look and a nod. And, sometimes a look and a nod is asking too much from some people. They barely look up at all.
Do you see me?!
Look your girlfriend, coworker, neighbor in the eye..and ask real questions that matter. “You’ve been running, how’s that going?” Take dinner over to the new mommy and baby. Being oblivious isn’t polite. Be observant because you care…not because you’re nosey and want to gossip.
2. We should want to help each other.
The Bible says that we should rejoice with one another and cry with one another. And, I could use some friends who can do both. As I mentioned earlier, women need to share! Sometimes it’s just tricky knowing who to share your life with. If you’ve been there, done that and you see someone who’s just getting their feet wet, be the friend you’d want to have.
3. She’s probably feeling alone.
I’m the only one. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY WOMEN FEEL THIS WAY? I can’t share because no one will understand. No one’s been through what I’m going through. Everyone else has it altogether. If I share my truth, she’ll think I’m stupid because she would never do that. I can’t name the times I’ve spoken with women who I thought had nothing in common with me and we ended up realizing, “Dang! We have A LOT in common.” Just because the circumstances are different doesn’t mean there aren’t fundamental similarities. For example, I might feel overwhelmed as a SAHM. You might feel overwhelmed as a business woman. We both feel overwhelmed. Once we get past the labeling, we can get to the “I just need a break.” “Me, too.” <–Boom! A connection is made!
4. Saying “I need help” is hard!
No one wakes up and says, “Hmm. I think I”ll be vulnerable today.” No one! So, be observant! When you see someone falling behind, help them out. When you see someone looking down, give a big hug and strike up a conversation. Just dive in there! A fellow blogger sent me an email the other day with a link to her latest blog post about how to have an amazing blog. Do you know how many nights I scratch my head at the thought of making Woman, Live! an A-list blog???? THANK YOU, GIRL!
A friend is missing her mom today (who passed away 2 years ag0). After reading her FB post, I sent her a Facebook message. Maybe it provided comfort, maybe she read it and deleted it. I don’t know! I don’t care. I just wanted to let her know I cared. Period.
I have a friend struggling with a drug addiction. I was reading my book for Bible study and ran across a chapter about temptation and how God always provides a way out. So, I copied it and mailed it to her! She said it came right on time. So glad I sent it!
Do it without them having to ask.
4. Objectivity is needed.
When I’m in a mess, I can’t see clearly. All I know is I’m going to jump out of a window if Arden says, “MOOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYY” one more time!!!!!!!! Talking to someone who isn’t knee deep in the mess with me always helps. They can see what I can’t.
Now, don’t pick your negative, my life sucks friend to glean wisdom from! Be mindful of your circle and who you confide in, but please confide in someone! Bottling it up doesn’t work.
Also, it’s good to have people in your circle who challengeyou . If all of your friends are yes, women they will only tell you what you want to hear. This will not help you. Everybody that disagrees with you is not a hater. Discern the difference.
5. Your silence could lead to death.
My cousin came to see my grandma and me. When she left, my grandma and I looked at one another and said, “Did you see her eyes??? They were yellow!!!” I was only 10 years old at the time so my timeline might be off a bit, but not too long after that day she passed away from Hepatitis. I’m not saying that we could have prevented her death, but I’m always amazed at how we both saw her eyes and yet we talked to her like everything was okay.
When someone is struggling, SAY SOMETHING! How many times have you heard of someone committing suicide only to leave people close to them pondering, “Could I have done something? Could I have said something? Why didn’t I call her back?”
When we swerve into people’s lives because we care (not because we just want something to hold over their heads, judge them by, and gossip about) it really changes things.
People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
-John C. Maxwell
Here’s to swerving! *Clink!*