We all have a story. A story of betrayal. A story of guilt. A story of hurt. A story of failure. The problem isn’t what happened to us. The problem is the story we create about what happened to us. The stories we create are often the very road blocks we complain about when we’re trying to move forward in our lives.
You can create 100 different stories around the same set of facts. So, create a story that empowers you. Create a story where you are the victor instead of the victim. Create a story that puts you in a situation instead of makes you the reason for the situation. The version you’ve been telling yourself is hurting you. It’s keeping you small. It’s keeping you defeated. You’ve bought into a lie. And, unfortunately that lie is shaping your life in a way that will keep you chained down, unable to break free and live the life you want for yourself.
Please understand, this isn’t an attempt to twist the facts. We aren’t making up stories with pretty details. We are taking a fresh look at what happened. Maturity, experience, and time allow us to see a new perspective. Mom isn’t “Bad Mommy” who slept all the time. Mom is a woman who was suffering from depression during our childhood years and did the best she knew to do.
Dad isn’t “Absent Daddy” who never showed up for our dance recital. Dad is a flawed man who didn’t understand that “being there” was more important than being “perfect.” Mom and Dad were scared. They were afraid they weren’t good enough. They were afraid of messing up. They were young. They were inexperienced. They were sick. They were depressed. They were broken before we entered the world. That doesn’t change the fact that Mom slept a lot or Dad didn’t show up for our dance recital. But, it sure does explain away a lot of hurt, guilt, and shame.
The older we get the more we can see Mom and Dad for who they are and not through the superhero lense of who we wanted them to be. And, now we aren’t the little girl whose mom didn’t want to spend time with her. We aren’t the little girl with no daddy. <–Those are victim stories that makes us sound and feel inadequate, thrown away, unloved and abnormal. We’re the little girl with parents who did the best they could in their brokenness.
When we search the memories of our minds, we can find specks of good hiding here and there. We can remember that one time mom brought home an activity book just to play a few games of tic-tac-toe with you. Or, how Dad always had Lionel Richie playing whenever you went for a ride. These memories uplift us. They make our lips curl into a very subtle, reminiscent smile. That is the version of the story that will mend your relationship. That version will remind you of how strong you are. That version will remind you of how loved you are, even if you didn’t always feel it.
Life has a way of knocking us down. Anyone who stands and tries to walk will fall. There is no getting around it. The only people who don’t fall are those who never take a stand, those who never venture to begin this extraordinary journey we call life. But, you’re not one of those people. I know that because you are ready to change your story in order to gain access to your future.
Changing your story is like opening a window in an abandoned house. What a difference some fresh air can make. Changing your story will change your life because it will bring forth forgiveness and compassion and maturity. Relationships will blossom. And, more of those good memories will be created…with ease. But, this won’t be the last time you have the change your story. Your mind will say “How dare she talk to you like that? It’s because you’re not experienced enough. It’s because you are to blame. It’s because she doesn’t love you.” You will be tempted to be the victim again. You will be offended again, hurt again, lied to again. This isn’t a one time deal. It is on-going.
Here are some tools that will help remind you to forgive the offense. The more bags your carry, the slower your stride. Your future depends on you conquering those limiting beliefs, hurts, and ego-tripping. The links below were hand-picked to help you lighten your load and quicken your stride into the abundant life that’s waiting for you:
The Call to Become Yourself (An 11 part series)
110 Affirmations Using Bible Verses (I bookmarked this!)
God Wants the Best for You (Joyce Meyer)
(Click to tweet)
In case you missed the tweet chat…
Whip out a pen and sheet of paper and answer these questions.
Q1: What is the story you’ve told yourself over and over again that is causing you to suffer?
Q2: Your story has created beliefs that keep you from living the life you want. What are your limiting beliefs?
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. -Charles R. Swindoll
Q3: How could you have responded differently to what has happened to you?
There is another version to your story. One where you are not the victim.
Q4: How does your story change when the you are not the victim?
Q5: How does your story change when what happened to you was a result of someone’s brokenness?
What happened to you has BECOME you. I am stupid. I am a mistake. I am careless. I am just like my ____.
Q6: How does your story change when you stop blaming yourself?
There is another version of your story. It weighs much less than the one you’ve lugged around.
Q7: What is the new version of your story?
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