Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to hear Award winning author, columnist, political commentator, national speaker and living redefined coach, Sophia A. Nelson, speak at the 2013 Women of Power Virtual Summit. Ms. Nelson left us with many noteworthy takeaways, but there was one thing she said that stuck with me.
If you don’t build relationships successfully, you won’t be successful. -Sophia A. Nelson
Whenever someone successful says, “Doing this will STOP success,” they have my undivided attention. And, they should have yours, too.
I took this to heart because (and here comes that raw moment of honesty in 3, 2, 1…) I don’t have a lot of healthy relationships. In fact, the same day of the summit, I was doing Fast for Family and one of the questions I posed to God was, “What in me do you want to refine?” When Ms. Sophia spoke on healthy relationships leading to a successful career, I was rubbed the wrong way. In my short spiritual journey I’ve learned enough to know that when something offends me, it usually means it’s an area I need to submit to God for refining.
The second reason I took this to heart is because I know that a lot of us are hurting over something that has happened or is currently happening to us. One thing I know to be true is, hurt people hurt people. That doesn’t leave much room for healthy relationships building, now does it? Building healthy relationships requires us to be healthy and healed.
Isn’t that what we’re all aspiring to be? Healthy, healed & successful?
I’d like to add-on to Ms. Nelson’s quote,
If you don’t have good, solid relationships, you will be unhappy. -B. Hawthorne
Ms. Sophia Nelson said, and I paraphrase, sometimes we think being strong is being loud, the mean girl, winning at all costs, never admitting guilt, never being wrong. That couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, women like this are weak and stuck.
Being strong means saying “I’m sorry.” Being strong means saying, “I forgive you.” Being strong means saying “I was wrong.” Being strong means humbly and genuinely asking for forgiveness. Being strong means celebrating your sister…even when she gets the thing you really wanted. Being strong means allowing yourself to be vulnerable and human. Being strong means taking the step to mend you broken relationships.
I want all of us to be successful. There’s always room at the top! So, do the work (in my Iyanla Vanzant voice) and keep climbing your way to the top…with all your healthy relationships in tow!
1. Take a moment to think of your past relationships (with women or male family members) where there are unsettled differences.
I don’t want you to focus on what she did or said. Instead I want you to think about how you responded.
What was wrong with the way you responded?
2. Pray for God to provide an opportunity for you and those women to come together and reconcile your differences. Notice I didn’t say come together and restore the relationship. I’m not promoting the continuation of an unhealthy relationship. However, I am inviting you to end the relationship on good terms. If you are unsure whether or not you should try to restore the relationship, ask God to show you the right decision and obey.
3. When given the opportunity to speak with your sister, realize that this isn’t about her.
This is about you, your peace, your karma, your name. Own your part in the situation without expecting anything in return. Be real. Be honest. Be genuine. Be loving. Be open. Be forgiving. And, from this point forward, try to build good, healthy relationships with others. Afterall, it’s will lead you to success.