Heal! / Live! / Woman

Identify the Destructive Patterns in Your Life & Break Free

i love me

There is a pattern in your life. You’ve seen it all your life. Your grandma did it. Your mom did it. And, now…you. And, because you’ve been doing it forever it operates perfectly. So perfectly that you may not even recognize it. You didn’t choose it. It worked its way down your family tree and chose you. And, if you don’t recognize it and stop it, it will choose your children and yes, your grandchildren. This pattern has many names: alcoholism, poverty, domestic violence, laziness, workaholic, sexual promiscuity, cheating, low self-esteem, disrespect, unwed mothers, lack of higher education, etc. Most of the time, the pattern in your life is also a pattern in your one or both of your parents’ lives. And, sometimes it is the very thing you hated about your parents that you grow up and become.

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. (Romans 2:1, NIV)

You know the saying, “The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.” What you see, you will become. What you judge, you will do. IF you don’t wake up and do your work!


Identify the recurring pattern.
What seems to be happening over and over in your life? Living from paycheck to paycheck? Job loss? Broken relationships? Domestic violence? Look at the women in your family. Your mom, sisters, cousins, aunts, grandmother, great-grandmother… What is the pattern? What is your pattern?

Question it. 
Look around and ask yourself why. Why did grandma stay with an abusive man? Why did momma stay with an abusive man? Why am I staying with abusive man? Dig deep. The truth will set you free. And, the truth will help you rise above it!

Growing up we judge those who were supposed to love, protect, and provide for us. Why did they let this happen? Why didn’t they do more? Why wasn’t I enough? When we judge others, we often struggle with that same issue. Ask God for forgiveness for judging your parents. Ask God to help them free the shackles that bind them. And remember that they, too, were a product of their family tree. They did the best they knew how. Forgive them.

Plan your escape route. 
Now that you know what the recurring patterns are. What will you do to make sure it doesn’t happen to you? Balance. You don’t want to become so extreme that you create another negative pattern. For example: Your mom couldn’t keep a job so you and your siblings always went without. So, you become a workaholic and your kids never see you. That is not a solution. That is just one more thing your adult children will have to heal from.


I want to see you living a healed, healthy, and happy life! Do the work now, reap the bountiful benefits later! I can’t wait to read your thoughts in the comments!

With Love,

8 thoughts on “Identify the Destructive Patterns in Your Life & Break Free

    • Thanks, Marcia! The negative patterns are hard to face sometimes because they’re ingrained so deeply! But once we recognize them our healing can begin. You’ll seen how this pattern has hurt others, run in the other direction girl!


  1. I admit that I have a negative pattern in my life. I always think negative and less of myself. I can never see good in anything that I do. Its a pattern I am not proud of. I know that I am beautiful, I know that I am a good mom, I know I can do anything I set out to do. I just want to believe it and see it in myself. I am tired of feeling this way about myself. I am tired of doubting myself. 😦 Pray for me!


  2. This can be very hard for many people but I find it easy to step back and realize where I went wrong with something. Problem is changing it! Thanks for this great post!


    • Tell me about it! I think I’m actually in a place it’s change or suffer. I’m working toward putting down bad habits that don’t serve me (or the lifestyle I’m aspiring to) well and picking up good habits that make me proud! You can do it, Carli! I’m rooting for you!


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